How to plan and respond to the unexpected

While it’s normal to have to deal with the unexpected, or things that we haven’t planned for, these situations can lead to us feeling like we don’t have control.

Therefore, we need to find ways to build our resilience and try to turn what can be challenging situations into positives.

These strategies can also be really important for your mental health. Life won’t always be smooth and easy, and there will be things that come up along the way which make you feel stressed and affect your mood. To try to alleviate this, it is important to identify techniques to help you.  To find out more about staying positive, click here.

Now, don’t worry if you are not sure if your recent unexpected situation counts. It could be something as simple as arriving at the bus or train station in the morning to go to school or work and finding out that your bus or train will be delayed, meaning you’re late. Or it might be something more serious, such as losing a job. Whatever the severity of the situation, the way you respond to it is what really counts. 

Take a moment to think about how you responded to your unexpected situation? It’s good to look back so that when your next unexpected situation occurs, you are able to recognise the moments where you could respond to the situation in a better way.

• Did you feel overwhelmed?

• Did you avoid the ‘unexpected’ situation?

• Did you wish you had planned better for the unexpected situation which faced you?

Stay calm

I know it’s easier said than done, but staying calm when an unexpected situation arises is the first thing you should try to do. If you become overwhelmed and panic, you may not be able to deal with the situation appropriately. You might make decisions which in the end make the situation worse. 

One of the best ways to help yourself stay calm is by breathing. Now, that might seem very simple but by actually taking a moment to stop and take deep breaths, you will send signals to your body to stop releasing stress hormones which cause emotions like panic, fear and anxiety. 

Take a moment when the unexpected situation arises to pause, breathe and collect your emotions i.e., panic, fear, sadness. You will then be able to return to the situation with a clearer mindset and be able to focus on how to take the next step in your response, and not be overwhelmed with your emotions. 

Be rational

You must try to be rational in your response to the situation. Don’t react and say or do something you will regret later on. When we’re not feeling in control it’s easy to make harsh and unnecessary judgments without thinking them through. This will not help you in the long run.

For instance, if you were called in for a meeting with your manager and they told you they have to make you redundant, how would you react? Would you shout and become angry? Try to put yourself in their shoes, they might not have another option. Reacting will not get you any further but only stop you from progressing. Try to make rational decisions that will benefit you in the longer term. By asking your manager for a good reference or agreeing on a suitable leaving package, you are already beginning to identify the positive things that you can take from the unexpected situation which is facing you.

Avoid worst case scenario thinking

Avoid jumping to the worst-case scenarios in your head! When you’re faced with an unexpected situation and start to feel fearful, it’s very easy to think of the worst possible outcome. Try and balance out all the different scenarios in your mind - good and bad. This will drive you to find a solution and not just give up at the first hurdle. You could try creating a list of different scenarios on paper or in your head. Rank them from best to worst and then aim to reach the best scenario. This will not only help you make more informed decisions but be prepared for various outcomes to your unexpected situation.

Focusing on the positives which could come from the situation will help too. Sometimes, an unexpected situation can pose an opportunity, even if it’s something you didn’t plan. 

Accept the situation

Life is full of surprises and sometimes things just don’t go to plan. That’s why it’s important to develop your acceptance of unexpected situations. Once you accept and acknowledge what has happened, you will be in a better position and will probably find things easier.

Being in denial will just delay the inevitable, which is that you eventually need to deal with the situation. Don’t worry if you feel like you're in denial mode. That’s totally normal. Take some time to address this but then remember that the situation will still be there when you come back to it. When you admit and agree that you cannot avoid these situations, you’ll be able to take faster and more decisive action. It will also help you build a more positive attitude in general towards the things you cannot control.

Find a strategic way to move forward

Make a strategic plan to benefit you in the long run. Although the ‘unexpected’ situation might seem daunting to tackle, by making well balanced decisions, you are finding a way (step by step) to come out the other side. For instance, instead of becoming overwhelmed about the unexpected delayed train which is going to make you late to school or work, take a strategic step to call your teacher or manager to explain the situation. By doing this, you are taking initiative and dealing with the situation effectively. Always learn what you can from an unexpected situation too. If your regular train is always getting cancelled, maybe decide to get an earlier train which will avoid you having to face a similar situation again.

So, what now?

The activities below have all been designed to help you get fully ready to take your next steps - whatever pathway you choose to take. Each set of activities ranges from a short activity which should take no more than 30 minutes, through to portfolio activities, which are longer, project-based tasks. The more time you spend on each activity, the more you'll get out of it, but you should be able to find something each week to fit into your schedule.

Why not start with the short activity first and then work your way through the remaining activities until you’ve completed them all?

Short activity

Create a table with two columns and for their headings write ‘Things that are in my control’ and ‘Things that are out of my control’.

• This template is now ready for you when you need to use it.

• If or when something happens, write down the things you have control over in one column, and the things you don’t have control over in the other column.

This can make any situation seem less daunting and help you see things more clearly. It will also give you a visual representation of the things you can affect, versus the things which are outside of your control.

Main activity

Write down moments in your life when things haven’t gone to plan. These can be big or small. For example, a time when you missed a bus, or didn’t get a part-time job you expected to get, and so on.

• Write about how you felt at the time when it didn’t go to plan, and now, how you feel looking back at the event, maybe after a significant amount of time has passed.

• Do you notice any differences in how you felt then versus now? Why do you think that is?

This activity will help you recognise that it is generally easier to think about things in a more rational way once some time has passed.

If you have experience of working or volunteering, try to draw on examples from your experiences in those roles.

Portfolio

Create a vision board/mind map of all of times you have eventually benefitted from something not going to plan.

An example could be that you didn’t get a part-time job you really wanted and were really disappointed, but you went on to find another job that you actually really enjoy. Although you were upset at the time, you now realise that you wouldn’t have got this job had you been successful in the first.

• Try and think of as many examples as possible – “had it not been for this, I would never had ended up doing …”

This activity will help you understand that sometimes life doesn’t go to plan and it is okay to make mistakes, it’s about trying to reframe what was a failure at the time, into something positive.

PSHE lesson

Ask students to get into groups.

Explain that they will have 60 seconds to come up with a response to an unexpected, fictional scenario and then explain their response to you and the class.

• Once each group has shared, choose one group to sit down.

• Complete this exercise, setting different scenarios each round until only one team is left standing.

Ask students why they think this team won.

• Were they better at planning and responding to the unexpected?

• Were their ideas more creative or practical?

• Did they remain calm under the time pressure?

The purpose of the exercise is to get students used to facing challenges and thinking about what they would do when asked to respond to the situation on the spot, using common sense, initiative and sound reasoning.